Saturday, September 17, 2016

Get Groggy and Talk Like a Pirate!

The Booze

The Box

Aaaaargh!  No, I didn’t just stub my peg leg, ye fools, it’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day again!  This silly celebration sets sail on September 19 each year so it’s time to engage in more ribaldry and weigh anchor on another fine adventure.  Ye may recall my prittle-prattle last year when we took to the high seas and plundered Miyamoto’s Pirate Chest while getting squiffy with a Dark and Stormy cocktail.  Well buckle yer bootstraps cause this year we’ll feather yer nest with another fine fancy to pair and ponder.  

The Pirate's Wallet by Robert Yarger - it'll run a rig on ye!

What perfect puzzle awaits our picaroon pirates today?  Why, it's the aptly named “Pirate’s Wallet”, created by none other than that Admiral of the Black, Robert Yaaaaarrrger.  Crafted from ambrosia maple, the Pirate’s Wallet is an impressive looking solid wood chest replete with functional wooden hinges and latch straps made of yellowheart and redheart woods.  But enough of that flummery.  In front is a wooden padlock which keeps things well secured, and there’s even a wooden key provided.  Aye, but that would be far too easy for our cunning privateers, even when they’re loaded to the gunwalls.  On this particular pirate chest, the lock is actually … the key.  That ol’ sly boots Cap’n Yarger be ever the poet.  Ye have to pick this lock apart, if ye dare, and the pieces ye discover will be used as keys to unlock the rest of the chest – if ye can figure out how.  This chest be full of quirks and quillets to turn ye into a ragamuffin so yer fit to be frummagemmed.  There are two secret chambers awaiting ye inside, and nothing is as it seems.  The box will bamboozle the jackanape after its booty.  If ye’re clever enough to tackle the thirty-three tasks set by puzzle master Yarger, ye’ll end up flush in the pocket.  Or ye might stay spiflicated till ye find that ultimate pirate puzzle - the eternity box.

Blasted key gives no quarter! Where's me cutlass? Aaaarrrgh!

 Now don’t be looking like death’s head upon a mop stick, me hearties, there’s rum to be had!  But don’t ye be drinking it all at once – who knows when we’ll have the chance to steal some more?  We’ll just stretch it out for the long journey – a little trick we learned from those scallywags in the Navy.  We’ll add some lovely limes to keep away the scurvy, a little brown sugar (pirates can be sweet, too, ye know), and dilute it up with water (hope it’s fresh, but bah, the rum should kill off anything nasty) so’s to make it go farther.  

Grog! circa 1655-1740

What’s that ye say?  Why it’s Grog, of course! And a rum fine nip of Nelson’s folly it is, too.  Just mix up these four fellows, as the old rhyme says: one of sour, two of sweet, three of strong, four of weak.  Now, being the rum bluffer I am, I used some extra fine rum just for ye, dark and aged well, so don’t hang the jib unless ye want a dowse on the chops.  They say this pirate potion was actually conceived of by British Vice Admiral Edward Vernon in the 1700’s, reputed to wear a coat of grogram cloth and known as “Old Grog”, but I say that tale’s all higgledy piggledy.  He must have been a pirate.  We’ll sort this scuttlebutt out one of these odd-come-shortlys, but let’s not waste more time – there’s Grog in yer hand (or hook) so sluice yer gobs, guzzle guts!  Splice the main brace and get plundering!  Bottoms Up!

This rum treasure chest keeps ye puzzling till yer groggy!


1-2 oz dark rum (dependin’ on the gen’rosity of yer Capn’)
1 oz fresh lime juice
1 oz demerara syrup or brown sugar
4 oz water (fresh, if ye can wrest it from the bilge rats)

Shake over ice and pour it down yer bung hole (or a tankard filled with crushed ice will do)

Careful or ye'll bung yer eye like this rum roger!

For more about Cap'n Yaaaarrrger see:

For last year's pirate day prittle-prattle avail yerself here:

For the official "Talk Like A Pirate Day" site go here:

For all ye struggling with this blasted "Pirate Speak" here is a glossary of terms to enlighten' ye:
Boxes and Booze Unboxed: Pirate Glossary

Now, be nice, blast ye, and leave a comment, or I'll see yer scragged!


  1. Steven, this Grog cocktail appears similar to a mojito??

    1. Hi Jerry. Yes, similar! A mojito has mint and soda water - much more refined than Grog!

  2. It's one of my favourite boxes/puzzles of all time!
    You have no idea how difficult it is to read when everything is written in "pirate speak"!


    1. Ha! Okay Kevin, I have posted a link to a pirate glossary above. I thought you liked puzzles!

  3. I agree, Pirate Speak is more encrypted than Whatsapp I will have to sign up for Babble LanguAge Course. That doesn't mean I don't love your puzzle selection though. The vast research on wood types is exceptional. The cocktails made with love. If only I had more time in the day to solve these deep mysteries. Between bottle washing cooking green eggs without scurvy, and all the other tinkering, I am yet again scouring the net for clues. Alas maty, the picture will become clearer with me finding the clutch and walking the plank. I have given myself 3 days to find the missing electric Newton in the electrode puzzle. It is the lazy mans solution but hopefully B and B has shed sufficient light on the subject to get a decent cocktail going.

  4. Arrr ... what's a pirates favorite letter? Arrr, is that yer answer? You'd think so, but shiver me timbers, they really love the C!